The other night I watched the movie Gravity. If you haven’t seen it and plan on it this is your spoiler alert – do not read on. Okay now that I have given sufficient warning I will continue. So watching this movie reminded me of marriage and divorce. Sandra Bullock and George Clooney are in space working on a space ship (for lack of a better word(s)) when suddenly something hits the ship and tears it apart. Sandra floats out into space alone, George manages to find her and tether himself to her in order to try to save them. When they finally reach the space station that could possibly save them Sandra was almost out of air and George had one last blast left. When they got to the station they were unable to hold on and Sandra got tangled in a rope on the ship that had her clinging to safety by one foot. The two were still tethered – George insisted they untether because he was dragging her down and she wouldn’t be able to hold on as long as they stayed together. She did not want to let go – she didn’t want to untether. The decision was made, George let go and floated off into space leaving Sandra alone, eventually she made her way to another ship she had to pilot to make her way home but it was out of fuel. She wanted to give up and turned off her oxygen to allow herself to die, she had no more fight in her. But before she let go for good she woke up and realized she didn’t want to die and figured out what she needed to do. She needed to pilot her own ship and find her way on her own – and she did, she saved herself.
I believe this is a great analogy for a dying marriage or even a divorce in which you just don’t want to let go. It’s a losing battle yet you try to hang on to the person you think is going to save you, the one driving the ship. You don’t have enough faith in yourself to allow yourself to believe that if you untether you can save yourself. I have seen people hanging on to a marriage that was obviously over and many more people trying to drag out a divorce as long as possible because they were to afraid to let go. And I get that, letting go is scary, sometimes you feel like you are just floating around out there in the abyss by yourself, complete darkness all around, deafening silence, only the sound of your own desperation ringing in your ears. Not knowing if you will survive, not knowing if life will ever be the same again.
So as difficult as it may be, as scary as it will be, as hard as it’s going to be, don’t be afraid, you must realize when it’s time to untether yourself from the person who is dragging you down and learn to steer your own ship.