So having been separated for over two years, I have recently fully opened myself up to dating again. It is a difficult thing to do after 15 years of marriage and being “not so young” anymore. Going down that road again can be hard especially when you are still dealing with an ex. You are in two different worlds – one foot in the past and one foot pointing towards the future.
So when you finally open yourself up to this and then get jerked around you lose all that trust you have finally built up once again and just want to say f it. Dating is hard enough without someone getting your hopes up and then just disappearing. They say one thing, do another and you are left wondering what the hell did I do? And mind you dating now generally involves a lot of texts flying back and forth, no actual conversations. The last time I dated text wasn’t even invented – my cell phone was the size and weight of a brick. So here I am now following new relationship protocol and it sucks to get silence on the other end. What do I do? Do I call? Should I send another text? If I do do I start becoming stalkerish? Am I really that insecure? Uhm, yeah! When you are dragged through a divorce after many years of marriage you begin to lose faith in yourself and the opposite sex. You don’t trust anyone. So when you begin to trust again and then get blown off for not conceivable reason – you start to think – cats are nice.
“I wondered what happened when you offered yourself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and say thank you all the same.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper