Thank you all the same

So having been separated for over two years, I have recently fully opened myself up to dating again.  It is a difficult thing to do after 15 years of marriage and being “not so young” anymore.  Going down that road again can be hard especially when you are still dealing with an ex.  You are in two different worlds – one foot in the past and one foot pointing towards the future.

So when you finally open yourself up to this and then get jerked around you lose all that trust you have finally built up once again and just want to say f it.  Dating is hard enough without someone getting your hopes up and then just disappearing.  They say one thing, do another and you are left wondering what the hell did I do?  And mind you dating now generally involves a lot of texts flying back and forth, no actual conversations.  The last time I dated text wasn’t even invented – my cell phone was the size and weight of a brick.  So here I am now following new relationship protocol and it sucks to get silence on the other end.  What do I do?  Do I call? Should I send another text?  If I do do I start becoming stalkerish?  Am I really that insecure?  Uhm, yeah! When you are dragged through a divorce after many years of marriage you begin to lose faith in yourself and the opposite sex.  You don’t trust anyone.  So when you begin to trust again and then get blown off for not conceivable reason – you start to think – cats are nice.


“I wondered what happened when you offered yourself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and say thank you all the same.”
Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

8 comments on “Thank you all the same

  1. Mans rejection often equals Gods protection. I wouldn’t call again. And it doesn’t sound like your divorce is final? You’d be better off waiting until you have both feet firmly in the present. Being single and learning to love and know yourself and God single is time well spent.

    • Well said, I love that. I have actually been separated for 2 1/2 years and am a few weeks away from my Decree. I am completely ready to move on, I am very independent and have that part down I am just looking for some male companionship. I have my two girls 24/7 so I’m not looking for anything long term, but a date here and there would be nice! thanks for the kind words of advice.

      • If you can have a date here and there without ending up emotionally entangled in some way that’s great. I found it just fed the flame. Not to sound cynical. I’m not. I really di believe that I will one day be married. But after several years of trial and error, I finally settled into being a single mom and stopped dating altogether. I would be thinkinf, ‘I got a baby sitter for this?’ And I wasnt about to bring guys I hardly knew arouns Forrest. I only had a few first or second dates here and there anyway. I haven’t been dating at all for 5 years now. And I haven’t had a boyfriend since my son was 2. He just turned 18. Not always easy but not much of life is I guess. At this point I believe singleness has been Gods gift to me. It’s taught me who the real source is, likely in a way I could have never known if I had had someone to lean on besides Him all these years.

      • I put my faith in God as well. Whatever is meant to be is meant to be. As long as you are happy that is all that matters. You sound like an awesome mom, kids are always the number one priority, in my line of work I don’t always see that. Wish more parents were like you!

      • Actually I am not always happy. I have suffered a lot, even single. There are still good guys out there though. If that’s the desire of your heart, I hope God sends you someone godly and good for you. It sounds like you have been through enough already. I am sure dating is good and right for many single parents. I know a lot of people that were blessed with awesome second marriages even while still raising their children.

      • Thanks for the kind words. I hope only happiness for you as well. Que Sera Sera!

  2. No faith needed. Enjoy the texts and emails for what they are. They don’t need to lead to anything, it’s just about connecting with other humans, on whatever level.


    • You are right. I think once you have been single for so long, especially after divorce, you become a bit cynical and maybe always reading more into things then is really there. We all need that human connection on any level. Thanks for the encouraging words!

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