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Casting the Stone

So everything that’s been going on recently with all of the NFL players and the domestic and child abuse has me really confused. Working in this line of business I see a lot of abuse, whether it’s husband/wife or parent/child.  I continue to wonder why anyone would stay in an abusive relationship or leave their kids in that situation.  What would make you say, “it’s ok, it will get better”.  Or even defend the abuser.  I realize that in the case of Ray Rice his wife (who was his fiancee at the time) is defending him all the way.  But that is a learned behavior.  I have no idea of her background but its possible this is how she was raised.  Maybe this isn’t her first rodeo and she’s been in this situation before.  She is blaming herself for provoking him, after all she hit him first right?  Wrong.  When you are a 120 lb woman hitting a 200+lb football player are you really hurting him?  Not unless you are using a baseball bat or a cast iron frying pan.

Abuse is a funny thing, all the while you are being abused you are blaming yourself, trying to figure out how to fix it so you can stay with your abuser.  But its a control thing and these women, and sometimes men, are brainwashed into thinking they can’t live without this person.  They are probably even told that.  Especially if you are in the position she is in, money, a bit of fame (probably not what she wants right now), prestige – maybe things she has never had before.  I’m sure he’s told her if she leaves she will get nothing and he will take their kid because he has the money and the power.  And she believes him.  She is scared of losing everything and that’s why she may never leave.  And I’m sure she truly believes she can’t live without him.

I see this on a fairly regular basis, most of the time it is just mental abuse, the person is so beaten down it’s all they can do to drag themselves in here and do what they know they need to do but are still not convinced it’s what they want to do or even the right thing to do.

As for the child abuse, again I don’t know the whole story, but I do know no matter how much of a “whooping” you give a four year old they are not going to understand.  They are too young too fully understand what they did wrong in the first place let alone comprehend the consequences that go along with it.  I understand that this also is a learned behavior.  This is how the father was raised and so he believes what was good enough for him is good enough for his child etc.  Does it make it right? No.  Do we get where he is coming from, yes?  We learn by example.  And as much as we say we will never be like our parents, we somehow always end up that way anyway – even if it’s just a little bit.  I 100% do not condone his actions, but many people will feel just the opposite – it’s their child and they are free to discipline however they wish.

In the end we obviously cannot judge the actions of others.  We cannot judge someone who would hit another person, especially a defenseless child.  We cannot judge the abused person who would defend these actions.  We cannot judge the other parent who would allow their child to be disciplined to a pulp by the other parent.  It is not up to us to judge but only to judge ourselves and our own morals and values and hope that we can pass along all of the good we have to share and the rest is crap.

“Let those without sin cast the first stone”

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