I haven’t been able to write this blog on a regular basis as I should. For all of you parents out there raising kids on your own you will understand. I am feeling overwhelmed at times with everything going on in my life, in addition to working a regular job, I am in the process of writing a book, spending time assisting my daughter and her marching band at competitions and games, attending school meetings and events and Ubering my other daughter around where she needs to go. I have been so busy taking care of everyone else, including a marching band, that I have barely had time to do anything for myself, including writing this blog. But that’s ok.
This is my daughter’s senior year in high school, in less than a year she will be moved out of my house, moved into college, and all of this will be just a memory. As much as it makes me crazy sometimes I can only think how much I will miss her and all of this. I have to remind myself to savor every minute I have with her, enjoy all of the performances, be present for all of the meetings and other events, be present for her.
I left home the day after graduation and never moved back. I spent very little time each year with my family for many, many years. It didn’t bother me at all, but I wonder if it bothered my mom. I never thought to ask and now it’s too late, not that it would matter at this point anyway. But I am now in the final months before my child walks out that door and I wonder how I will handle it. Being her sole parent for the last 4 years and being the majority parent for all the years before that, a big part of my life is about to walk out the door and there is nothing I can do but wave goodbye.
So while they are here I will spend hour after hour doing things for them and with them that I may not necessarily enjoy, drive my daughter wherever she needs to go and be available to pick her up even if it means I have to change my schedule, I will go to the meetings, go to the special events, no matter when and where or how long I have to be there, I will sit outside in the heat and cold, fork over the hundreds of dollars it is costing me for them to participate in these events, and whatever else I need to do, and I will be happy about it because I know that this time next year the closest I will be to my daughter will be text messages and phone call here and there. I know these days are fleeting and everything she is doing now is shaping her future. But I will also know that I am a big reason why she will not be here and may only actually speak to her once a week or so and see her even less, and that oddly enough, makes me the happiest. I will truly miss these days, I know it is so cliche, but it truly does go by so fast.
“There ain’t no way you can hold onto something that wants to go, you understand? You can only love what you got while you got it.”
― Kate DiCamillo,