Almost exactly four years ago I split with my ex. It was New Years Day when I asked him to leave. I was scared to death. I did not plan it, I was not waiting for the holidays to be over, I wasn’t thinking “out with the old…”, something happened that day, actually a few things that finally made me say Done. It didn’t make me feel good, in fact I think I cried for a week straight after that. But some good did come of it. I felt a great sense of relief of not having to deal with his garbage anymore. It was something that I had been thinking about for years but not sure when or even if I could do it. Maybe you would identify with some of these things. Here is my top ten reasons to be happy that you are starting out the new year divorced.
10. You get to sleep alone. No more heater, blanket stealer or mock chainsaw lying next to you. You can actually get a good night’s sleep for a change.
9. You get to shop without feeling guilty or having someone question how much you spent or what you bought.
8. Your vacation this year will be truly about where you want to go and what you want to do. You can completely relax, wherever you go and not have to worry if the other person is having a good time or do things you don’t necessarily want to do on your vacation just because they do.
7. You can spend more time with your friends. Especially the one’s your spouse disliked the most.
6. Eat what you want. You may have spent so much time over the years cooking for what your spouse likes, or eating the foods they like because they are cooking or eating terrible food because they are a bad cook and you didn’t want to hurt their feelings. Enjoy food again.
5. Enjoy your vices. Things you may have had to give up for the other person – indulge!!
4. Wear what you want. That icky old pair of sweats you just love because they are the most comfortable thing you own, but your spouse could not stand them – wear them everyday!
3. The t.v is all yours. Binge watch whatever you like, sit on the couch all weekend watching sports, your favorite shows, movies – whatever! And feel free to talk back to the t.v. all you want – no judgment here – without anybody bothering you to do chores, get dressed or just get off the couch. Chill and Netflix.
2. You get to be who you want to be. I think we spend so much of our married lives trying to be the person our spouse wants us to be that we forget who we are. We lose ourselves in that relationship and when it’s over we have to remind ourselves that we were actually somebody before we got married – someone we were happy and comfortable with, now we can get back to that. Happiness will follow.
1. And lastly we get to move on. The door is wide open, walk through and enjoy life on the other side. Who knows, the true love of your life may just be waiting on the other side, even if it’s just you.
“Forgiveness is not the misguided act of condoning irresponsible, hurtful behavior. Nor is it a superficial turning of the other cheek that leaves us feeling victimized and martyred. Rather it is the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past.”