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God Only Knows

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I heard today that a girl I went to school with had died.  Being that she was my age she was still fairly young – or at least I like to think of myself that way.  I remember she was the only friend I had for a while in elementary school.  I can still remember running with her around the parking lot – or the “blacktop” as it was called, that had been converted into our schools’ playground.  We used to play these hand games where we would slap our hands together to the rhythm of a song that we would sing.  We would spend the entire recess slapping our hands together so by the end our hands were bright red and felt like a thousand bees had just stung them; but we loved it.  Her name was Gina.

I think about dying a lot for some reason.  I think the older we get the more it becomes a reality.  I concern myself with the fact that any day now it could be me lying on the autopsy table while the coroner determines my manner of death and then onto the mortician who will ultimately prepare my body for my farewell party.  It could be tomorrow, it could be next year, it could be 20 years from now – God only knows because I sure as heck don’t.  And because of that I feel like it’s important to try and get the most out of each day, leave nothing undone, no regrets.  I feel that way but don’t always act that way.  I find myself wasting time, watching stupid tv or playing games on my phone.  I have so many things on my bucket list but sometimes I’m just too lazy to even read the list let alone actually do anything on it.

The one regret I will never have however is my divorce, the way I handled it and all that has happened since then.  I know that if I leave this earth tomorrow I will have spent every minute of the time I have had with my kids being the best parent that I could.  I will know that I have set the example for them, I will have given them a legacy of strength and power to get them through even the most difficult of times and I will know that I taught them to value themselves and to know their worth.  I will never regret that I had to leave my marriage to provide a better future for them.  I will never regret any sacrifices I made to ensure that their lives remained as close to their normal as possible and I will never regret putting myself on hold so I could use all of my energy to help propel my children to their future selves and prepare them for a life filled with love and happiness.  I may leave a lot of things undone but imparting my wisdom and power upon my girls will not be one of them.

None of us knows exactly how much life we have left but we are in control of what we do with it, how we choose to live it and the legacy we leave behind.  If you haven’t started working on your legacy yet, get busy because God only knows……

What’s your dash?

My Divorce Coach Intl

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