While some of us would look back at our marriages with regret, spite and bitterness, there are usually some good things that come out of it as well. Of course if you had children that may be something that you do not regret, although you may be having a difficult co-parenting relationship and wish you did not have kids with this person, you most certainly would never give them back. So while that may be an obvious choice there are some others that I would definitely not take back.
The Opportunity To Be A Mother
I really never had any desire to be a mom, in fact I did not even like kids, however because of my ex I unexpectedly became a mother. As I said, I never even thought about this and when it happened at age 32 I found myself actually looking forward to it. I never thought I would have the patience it takes to raise children, which I still really don’t, but I found that patience along with unconditional love, the kind of love I had never experienced before in my life. While it wasn’t the best of circumstances it changed my life for the better.
I Was Able to Fulfill My Desire for Travel
My mom always used to call me a wanderlust because I could never settle down. I moved from one town to the next, from one apartment to another, I was never content. I always had a desire to see what else was out there. Because of this I never stayed at one job long enough to build up my 401k or save a dime. I had just enough to pay my bills each month and maybe enjoy a beer or two with friends. Being married to a somewhat successful man I was finally able to combine my income with his and travel to places I never would have been able to afford on my own. Not to mention for awhile I had a great traveling partner as well.
I Learned How To Cook
Ask anybody that knew me before I was married, if you came to my house for any length of time you’d better bring your own supplies. I kept my food supplies to a minimum. I was young and busy and wasn’t home long enough to cook. Things would rot before I ever got around to cooking them. Besides, who wants to cook for one person, especially if you really don’t know how. As part of a family now it just wasn’t practical to eat out all of the time so I had to learn how to cook. By doing that I was able to spend some very special time with my kids teaching them the little bit that I knew. We have spent many hours in the kitchen together doing just that and further cementing our mother/daughter relationship.
I Finally Accepted I Don’t Have to To Everything Myself
I was so used to being on my own and doing everything for myself that when someone came into my life that was actually willing to help, who had my back, I didn’t know what to do. I just always assumed I would be by myself and would take care of myself. So when I had someone else there to get a drink for me when I didn’t feel like getting off the couch or fix things around the house, it took a bit of getting used to. I miss that. I’m glad I am able to take care of myself and my kids but it sure would be nice not to have to do everything myself all of the time.
Learning What True Love Was
While unfortunately it didn’t last, I learned for the first time what true love really meant. It was another person anticipating my needs and wants and me doing the same in return. It was someone to lie next to in bed every night sometimes talking for hours and sometimes just holding hands while we watched the late night shows. It was always knowing that whatever was going on in my life I had someone to share it with, good or bad. It was having someone to watch stupid tv with and then discuss how stupid it was afterwards, someone to cook for who wouldn’t ever tell me just how bad it was. When I would go shopping for whatever and I would see something I knew he would like the feeling of joy it gave me to buy it knowing he would wear it or eat it whether or not he liked it because he knew it came from me. It was watching him with our kids and watching our kids with him. It was the way we shared our lives together and cared for each other when my mom died and his dad died. Always knowing that someone had my back and I theirs. I learned what true love was. It died of course but maybe if I’m lucky I will experience it again, but if not I at least know that I won’t die without ever having experienced it all.
“Tis better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all”
Alfred Lord Tennyson
My Divorce Coach International
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