In the scenario I presented in my previous post I asked what the best response would be to an ex who is constantly showing up late or not at all for his parenting time. I presented four responses and here is how each response would play out.
a) WRONG RESPONSE: pitching a fit will get you nowhere. Chances are it won’t change his behavior one bit and if anything it will just give him exactly what he wants, which is to push your buttons and ruin your anything you try to do for yourself. Plus if your kids are within earshot they will hear you and it will only serve to upset them and make them feel bad that they are the reason you are unable to go out. You don’t want to put that on them.
b) WRONG RESPONSE: Calling your lawyer will get you nothing but more legal bills. Plus taking away parenting time will hurt the kids more than it will your ex.
c) CORRECT: Calmly talk to your ex away from the kids (always talk away from the kids if at all possible). Let him know that this isn’t about him, it isn’t about you, it is about the kids and how his behavior is affecting them. Hopefully if you let him know he will have to pay a babysitter if he continues to show up late or not at all his behavior will change. If his behavior does not change after speaking with him you will probably then need to have your attorney send a formal letter to him or his attorney explaining the situation and your attempts to resolve it. Calmly talking to him is the best route to getting what you want. Like the saying goes “you can catch more flies with honey…” Not sure why you would want to catch flies but that’s another subject.
And of course D is incorrect as it also gets you nowhere. It’s immature behavior and won’t change anything. If he didn’t care before he won’t care now and once again the biggest losers in all of this will be the children.
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